Teen Easter Basket IdeasLight Therapy LampsEaster Gifts for AdultsBest Earbuds for iPhoneEaster Basket StuffersParentingWhat to Say When Someone Announces a PregnancyThink twice before giving advice.

　　By Susannah Bradley

　　Few things cause people to forget their manners faster than when someone announces a pregnancy. Ask any new parent, and they’ll likely regale you with the impolite questions, unsolicited advice, and unprompted opinions they endured after sharing their baby news — not to mention all the uninvited belly touching.

　　And, hey, we get it. The arrival of a new baby is one of life’s biggest events. It’s understandable why people sometimes respond to pregnancy announcements in less-than-ideal ways. In a perfect world, everyone would take a beat to formulate a thoughtful response that celebrates the news without reinforcing cultural expectations for what a person should feel, want, and do during pregnancy. But that’s often not the case.

　　“Pregnancy is a very exciting time and a very personal time. A lot of people forget their manners because their own emotions and experiences come flooding back when they hear about the experiences of others. It can get very personal very quickly,” says Detroit-based etiquette trainer Courtney Opalko.

　　To avoid causing offense, awkwardness, or hurt feelings, follow these expert-approved tips for what to say when someone announces a pregnancy.

　　Respond with positivity

　　For those who don’t see the appeal of having children, there may be a tendency to respond to a pregnancy announcement with wry humor. But before the words, “Better you than me,” or “Hope it’s not in the water!” cross your lips, summon a bit of empathy.

　　“Regardless of your personal feelings on pregnancy or having children, displaying joy and excitement shows support for your friend,” says etiquette expert and founder of the Protocol School of Texas, Diane Gottsman.

　　To nail the joyful, supportive tone, Gottsman recommends a response similar to this: “Janci, what a wonderful surprise! I opened your announcement and was overjoyed to find you and Scott are expecting a baby. Congratulations, and I look forward to catching up with you in person very soon.”

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　　Empathize with their experience

　　Pregnancy can provoke a whole range of emotions besides joy and excitement — some parents-to-be may be feeling anxious and overwhelmed by all the changes they’re experiencing. They might be concerned about how the new arrival will impact their career or relationship, or they might be apprehensive about giving birth. So, just leaving your message at “Congrats!” doesn't give them room to honestly share what they're going through.

　　When responding to someone's pregnancy news, you can also ask them, “How are you feeling?” which is what therapist Laurie Ganberg, LICSW, PMH-C recommends.

　　“Asking an open-ended question allows the pregnant person to share a range of feelings, or what they're in the mood to share that day. Follow their lead and add a statement that supports any excitement or joy they express, as well as leaving room for the challenges and uncertainties of pregnancy,” says Ganberg. She recommends an upbeat response, such as, “I'm so excited to celebrate that joy with you, and I'm here for you, too, for any days that might be rough!”

　　If the parent-to-be does respond that they're nervous or have been experiencing terrible morning sickness, for example, resist the urge to tell them that it'll get better, or that it's worth it. “The most supportive response validates their experience,” says Ganberg. “You might say, ‘Yes! it can be so much more challenging than movies make it look.’”

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　　Resist giving advice unless asked

　　If you've had a baby, you probably have lots of wisdom to share about your experience. But even if you achieved your goal of a medication-free birth, ate pineapple to induce labor, or chewed fennel seeds to increase your milk supply, now is not the time to share your pregnancy advice. Instead, you can let the parent-to-be know that you have knowledge that you’d be happy to share — only if they're open to hearing it.

　　“Ask if they want your help,” says Opalko. “If the couple is having twins and you also have twins, you could say, ‘I’m a twin mom myself. If you ever need someone to talk to, please know that I can help you with resources.’” This can let the parent-to-be know that they're not alone without inundating them with your opinions.

　　Ganberg agrees. “It can be helpful to share that you had a similar experience, if that's the case, but then ask if the pregnant person would like to hear more about it or not, or if they'd like to know how you got through it.”

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　　Don’t project your feelings onto them

　　Try to resist the urge to make someone else's pregnancy announcement about yourself or make assumptions like, “You must be so thrilled!” This also isn't the time to reminisce about your own pregnancy and how you felt about it.

　　Instead, focus on what you hope for them. Ganberg recommends a statement such as, “I'm sending my best wishes for a healthy pregnancy and that you're able to enjoy this time as you're growing your family!”

　　Offer support and connection

　　One of the most important needs in pregnancy and parenting is a strong community, so your response to their pregnancy announcement might include an offer of connection.

　　“This might be offering to come over and cook them a meal, going for a walk together, or letting them know about a prenatal support group,” says Ganberg.

　　If the parent-to-be is interested, there are free, online support groups for pregnant and postpartum folks available through Postpartum Support International.

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